Tuesday, October 11, 2011

the year is coming to an end

Thursday, October 13, 2011, is exactly one year after I was diagnosed with diabetes. I am tearing up as I write this as the emotions flood back from the last 365 days. It feels like it's been so much longer than that, but it's not. I really don't even know what to write at this point. I just know now that I can survive with this disease. I still ask the questions "why me?" "why now?" and "why this" all the time, but I know my Father in Heaven has a beautiful plan through this pain.

I went to Lubbock this past weekend and enjoyed some much needed friend/social time after the many hours spent at work the last few months. But the most wonderful part about being in Lubbock was going to my church there. Some friends of mine (and fellow bloggers) made a video talking about their recent pain to introduce a song we sang on Sunday. The song is called Forever Reign. Since Sunday, I have listened to the song over and over and over. It is just a wonderful reminder that He is good, love, light, hope, peace, true, joy, life, more, Lord, here, and God.  No matter what season of life I am in, He is continuously ALL of those things. It has been far from easy the last 365 days, but I know He has carried me through the pain, fear, and anger.

On Sunday, we also had the privilege of hearing the Lord through Steve Grant, the chaplain for the Red Raider football team. He said some very convicting things that made me realize how selfish I have been the last few weeks. The Lord is trying to pull me away from everything so that I can begin to recognize His voice in the midst of all the other things drawing my attention. All I have been doing is fighting the feeling of lonesomeness by filling my time with other things so that I can continue to run from his voice.

The bridge in Forever Reign states, "My heart will sing, No other name, Jesus, Jesus" but the only part I would listen to was the verse where God is everything for ME. I would continue to forget my part, that I am to call on ONLY Jesus. My prayer going forward as year 2 begins is that my focus is not "poor me, I have diabetes" but that "my heart will sing no other name but Jesus."

I am so thankful that my life belongs to Him.