Count your blessings instead of sheep

So many things have happened this week...

• My Christmas tree and lights are up...and put a smile on my face when I come home from work.
• I have watched White Christmas 4 times now since Thanksgiving...hence the title :D
• I made my last copies of the semester
• I held my kids to deadlines! PTL no (or maybe very little) grading next week...aside from finals. ICK 
• Parents are called...less than last six weeks :)
• I have such great friends at work...I don't know what I would do without them. Go crazy probably...oh wait too late ;)
• Claire's band concert was on Wednesday. SO proud of her that she's better than I ever was in 7th grade. 
• The fine arts winter extravaganza was last night. It is so wonderful to see the NHS students come together to put on an evening of music, drama, and dancing. I enjoyed every minute!
• One of my kids who barely passed 1st six weeks got a 98 on his test yesterday. I am not going to reach all my kids, but the few that I do reach help me know God has put me in the right place.
• Two of my kids (engaged and in the same class) had their baby boy yesterday. Those two drove me crazy the first few weeks, but I have grown to love them very much. They told me earlier this week that I was the only teacher who asked about the details for her delivery time, etc. It broke my heart that no one else had asked. 
• I got to chat with some of the senior girls about diabetes...I know it's weird, but I love talking about it.

I am realizing just how hard this job is, not because of the stress of teaching, not because of lesson planning, not because of discipline issues. It's because my heart breaks when I know after my kids leave my room they go home to situations that I can't even imagine, pain I will never understand, and trials (that they probably got themselves into) that force them to grow up so much sooner than necessary. 

This week, I have read my devotional every day. It's difficult because it's creating a new habit despite my busy life, but the joy I have found during the last week in everything I do has been fabulous. I am rediscovering the real reason for this time of year and how my life needs to reflect the gift the Lord gave us in  Jesus' birth, death, and resurrection.

so thankful my WHOLE life belongs to HIM

Rejoicing

I have been struggling with reading my Bible daily...some weeks even picking it up at all except on Sunday, when I am "supposed to". Most of the time I am just lazy, or I find ANY other thing to occupy my time instead of facing what the Lord is trying to teach me head on.

Today, I discovered reading plans on the YouVersion app on my phone. I am starting with the Carols: a Christmas Devotional and Rediscoving the Christmas Season. I pray that the Lord opens my heart to what he has in store for my life by getting back into his word.

The question from the Carols devotional was "What do you plan on rejoicing about this Christmas season?"

I am rejoicing that:

• I am in good health and have medication to help me remain that way
• I have a family who loves me that I live close to and see often
• I have a job that provides for me
• Most importantly: the SAVIOR of the WORLD was born, lived, and died solely for the sins of the world. HOW CAN WE NOT REJOICE ABOUT THAT??

Let's rejoice this Christmas Season because of the real reason we celebrate!

So thankful my life belongs to Him and that He will never give up on us even when we stray :)

If you would like to read with me...

http://www.youversion.com/reading-plans/rediscovering-the-christmas-season

http://www.youversion.com/reading-plans/carols-devotional

the year is coming to an end

Thursday, October 13, 2011, is exactly one year after I was diagnosed with diabetes. I am tearing up as I write this as the emotions flood back from the last 365 days. It feels like it's been so much longer than that, but it's not. I really don't even know what to write at this point. I just know now that I can survive with this disease. I still ask the questions "why me?" "why now?" and "why this" all the time, but I know my Father in Heaven has a beautiful plan through this pain.

I went to Lubbock this past weekend and enjoyed some much needed friend/social time after the many hours spent at work the last few months. But the most wonderful part about being in Lubbock was going to my church there. Some friends of mine (and fellow bloggers) made a video talking about their recent pain to introduce a song we sang on Sunday. The song is called Forever Reign. Since Sunday, I have listened to the song over and over and over. It is just a wonderful reminder that He is good, love, light, hope, peace, true, joy, life, more, Lord, here, and God.  No matter what season of life I am in, He is continuously ALL of those things. It has been far from easy the last 365 days, but I know He has carried me through the pain, fear, and anger.

On Sunday, we also had the privilege of hearing the Lord through Steve Grant, the chaplain for the Red Raider football team. He said some very convicting things that made me realize how selfish I have been the last few weeks. The Lord is trying to pull me away from everything so that I can begin to recognize His voice in the midst of all the other things drawing my attention. All I have been doing is fighting the feeling of lonesomeness by filling my time with other things so that I can continue to run from his voice.

The bridge in Forever Reign states, "My heart will sing, No other name, Jesus, Jesus" but the only part I would listen to was the verse where God is everything for ME. I would continue to forget my part, that I am to call on ONLY Jesus. My prayer going forward as year 2 begins is that my focus is not "poor me, I have diabetes" but that "my heart will sing no other name but Jesus."

I am so thankful that my life belongs to Him.

The dark before the dawn

Teaching a a very difficult job. You can plan what you think is going to be the best lesson, and it ends up falling flat. You also depend on your students to be successful to prove that you are doing your job. You must contact parents that may or may not care about their student's achievement. And you come home with loads of papers to grade. It's tough. I love it, but it's tough.

The last couple weeks have been daunting, draining, and lonely. I have been overwhelmed with everything I have to do. Last week, my principal informed me that I have been appointed team leader for math models. It adds more work to my already full load, and I wish they had told me sooner that I had acquired a new role. Yes, it is a blessing that so soon they have noticed my God given ability to teach children, but it will definitely be more work.

I have been feeling somewhat depressed because of my diabetes. I think my understanding of my disease is changing. It's no longer new; now it's something that I will have for the rest of my life. Yes, I have all this new technology (which is awesome), but it is still a disease that I have to manage.

My attitude has been all wrong through this situation. I have been so depressed and helpless that every time I see my Bible, I don't want to pick it up and turn to the only person who can really lead me through my problems.

Then Friday morning, the Lord provided me with some encouragement to help me through my struggles. Chelsea brought me a Homecoming mum to thank me for all my help I have given her over the last few weeks and to help me feel better after my couple rough weeks. Friday afternoon came along and I met with my appraiser, she told me that I was doing a good job from what she could tell in my walk-through (even though my kids were testing).  She also informed me that my commitment card from our faculty meeting was one of the best ones. The Lord just reminded me that He has given me this gift to relate to teenagers and teach them math but more importantly about His love for us. Taking a step back to look at why I am really here brings a little perspective to my recent struggles.

SO thankful that my life belongs to Him

being thankful...in everything

It's amazing the things we take for granted. electricity, A/C, food, clothes, health, family, friends. I have all of these things yet still we find so much to complain about. Reflecting on the past week/day has made me aware of the things I am thankful for today.

I am thankful for:

1. My disease. I have a disease that God is going to use for a purpose. Not sure what that is yet...
2. My job. I have a job. A lot of people cannot say that. It's a struggle and tiring, but it is so rewarding when you hear kids talk about math (and not totally hate it)
3. Good instruction manuals. For my insulin pump. so that I don't screw it up. (I have changed it twice now BY MYSELF!)
4. My family. Claire made volleyball. I got to see Chris in his element at work today. I talked to my daddy (he is far away so this is a big deal) yesterday so he could help me decide on insurance. I am able to talk to my mom all the time just because.
5. My kids. They told me today that I am culturally aware because we talked about learning how to duggie and The Lazy Song. haha
6. My pump. It syncs with my computer, my glucometer, and I only have to change it every 3 days.
7. Friday night. It's the night I go to bed the earliest. :) haha you have no idea how cool I am!
8. Laughter. My kids make me laugh all the time. I could be having the worst day and one of them makes me laugh, and it all turns around.
9. My friends...new and old. All the new teachers I have met the last few weeks are fabulous and it's nice to work with people closer to my age. Even though I don't get to see/talk to my old friends as often due to college, law school, and life it's ok because I know they are just a phone call away if I want to chat.
10. My Savior. He died for me so that I could have a renewed life through Him. His grace, mercy, and love I cannot fathom, and for that I am the most thankful. My God is way bigger than me (or anything I can imagine) and that's exactly the way it should be.

What could we possibly complain about? Seriously with a list like that. I have everything I could ever want and more. I am most thankful my life belongs to HIM!